Should most people expect monogamy when dating
But society told me I had to be with one person at a time, with the goal of choosing one person forever. After a really great, long-term, successfully monogamous relationship ended, I was suddenly single in my late twenties and enjoying the freedom and the variety. Adam was fun and our chemistry was fantastic and rare, and though we kept it strictly physical, with those boundaries clearly defined throughout, spending time together was becoming the highlight.I would often fall into a cycle of trying to make that work but eventually letting temptation get the best of me, and failing both parties of the relationship; especially my partner. Eventually, the inevitable conversation came up naturally about what we were, and what we could be.I get that it can be hard for a lot of people to understand.But it works for us, and it’s not as unusual as it seems. An open relationship is a form of non-monogamy, which is an umbrella term for any physical or romantic partnership that is not predicated on exclusivity. In this article I’m focusing on what Adam and I are and do: a committed couple that takes lovers.The premises of dating, and typical marriage customs, as written by Daniel Engber for Slate, are not to be confused with mating habits.When we see a women at the bar, buy her a drink and start schmoozing with her, it’s perfectly natural to be thinking about sleeping with her, rather than marriage plans.
Still, we promote the idea of marriage, relationships and commitment, in general, regardless of genetics or biological predispositions. However, new studies suggest people locking themselves into relationships, against their natural desires, may be equally as problematic.
Sex researcher Sarah Murray continued to say, “When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting.”This is why, women especially, might feel as though they’re “bored” of sleeping with the same person.
A lot of times, relationships encourage those involved to become complacent, or not try as hard as they would had they been trying to make a positive impression on someone new.
If our primitive ancestors, rock and roll tour buses, or former President Bill Clinton have taught us anything about the sexual tendencies of our species, it’s that we can’t be strapped down to one person for too long. We date, and we think about marriage; in fact, the end goal is marriage, but it’s not so much an instinct as it is something we just figure we’re “supposed” to do.
That’s not to say marriage is a bad concept in any way because, clearly, it’s stood the test of time.